


She laughs like god // Her mind is like a diamond

by Writers_clock



Series: Signed in Crimson: A Collection of Julethief One-Shots [7]
Category: Carmen Sandiego (Cartoon 2019)
Genre: Angst, Brainwashed!Carmen, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, based off of a song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:22:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29721339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writers_clock/pseuds/Writers_clock
Summary: Carmen had everything she’d ever wanted. She was faculty, she could steal whatever she wanted, and she had her friends.So why did she feel like this?
Relationships: Julia "Jules" Argent/Carmen Sandiego | Black Sheep
Series: Signed in Crimson: A Collection of Julethief One-Shots [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2131176
Comments: 9
Kudos: 81





	She laughs like god // Her mind is like a diamond

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off of “Carmen” by Lana del Rey. I wanted to take a slightly different approach to Brainwashed!Carmen and this is what I came up with.

Everyone talks about trying to make it to the top. Everyone talks about the  _ struggle  _ to sit among the stars. The strife of becoming one. Everyone talks about the ones who fall. The ones who streak across the sky and are wished upon.

No one talks about how much the stars themselves burn. How they could’ve all burnt out by now, and no one would know.

It was a lavish - if not small, only Carmen’s classmates were there - party, as all VILE parties were. Operatives danced and stole from each other, and others pickpocketed civilians who walked near their warehouse. Why Tigress thought it would be a good idea to throw a party here in nowhere, Britain, Carmen would never know.

“Lighten up, mate,” Gray -  _ Crackle,  _ Carmen reminded herself - chuckled. He approached her as she leaned against the wall. “You look like you got a bad cuppa.”

“English, please.”

“Oi, I’m speaking-” he cut himself off as Carmen tripped him. Righting himself, he chuckled. “Alright, mate, I get your point. You look down. ‘S something the matter?”

Carmen opened her mouth for a moment, then closed it again. She knew from his confident walk, his easy grin, his casual demeanor, that he would never understand. “Nothing. Go enjoy the party,” she told him. 

“You sure?” Gray asked, hesitating. “I don’t mind waiting with you.” He leaned against the wall next to her. “You’re a hero to VILE, you know that?”

_ Do you think that’s the issue here?  _ Carmen wondered.  _ Do you genuinely think that’s why I’m acting like this?  _ Gray was nice. Gray was her oldest friend. But he didn’t  _ get  _ her.

“Not now, Gray.” Her voice was sharp. Far sharper than intended. She sighed. “Crackle, sorry. Old habit.” Carmen gave him a warning look, communicating what she wouldn’t say out loud. “Go enjoy the party.”

Gray looked hurt. She’d have to deal with that later. Crack a joke or two, and everything would be fine. “Catch you later,” he said at last, joining the party. Carmen watched him disappear, almost forlorn. Nostalgic for those simple old days.

Carmen stood up straight and made her exit. A few called her name as she walked past, but she ignored them. It had been mere months since she’d graduated, and yet she was faculty. Even if she didn’t talk to them, everyone knew her. Loved her.

Everyone loved her, sure.

But did anyone joy her company?

Why did she care?

The music still thrummed through the door as she stepped outside. Carmen stalked away, the quiet night anything but soothing. She was used to a tropical buzz, or the soft snores of her classmates.

It was nearly midnight when she finally got to her destination. The edge of the city, the docks along a beautiful bay. She didn’t know quite why she wanted to come here. Perhaps the water soothed her. Many days she’d spent along the waters edge, dreaming.

Her eyes settled upon a stranger who stood at the docks. A young woman, by the looks of it. Carmen approached from behind, her footsteps almost silent until she was directly behind the woman. “It’s awfully dangerous for a woman to be out on her own like this,” Carmen pointed out, her words smooth.

The woman jumped, whirling around. She stared, gaping, one hand hesitantly reaching forward. She dropped it and brought it back to cover her face. Carmen cocked a brow at her reaction. “Not one for a conversation? I’m Carmen, by the way. You?”

The woman continued staring for what seemed like an eternity. Her expressions kept shifting, until finally she looked… almost tragically determined. A runner determined to finish the race, knowing they would lose.

“Julia,” the woman introduced, her voice coming out like a breath of air. She cleared her throat and tried again. Her voice still croaked, despite her best efforts. “What, ah, what are you doing here?”

“Enjoying the night air.” Carmen’s tone was harsher than she wanted it to be. Julia flinched, and Carmen almost rolled her eyes. Did she want a genuine answer? Carmen wasn’t about to pour her heart out to a stranger she met on the street. “You?”

“The same.” Julia shifted, facing Carmen completely. It was obvious she’d been crying. Carmen tilted her head. Not sympathetically, but calculatingly. Julia intrigued her, in a way she couldn’t quite put her finger on.

Carmen turned away, facing the bay once more. She leaned against the rail, her hands hanging off so her bare skin wouldn’t make contact with the cold metal. She was fine, she was fine. Everything was fine.

She wasn’t fine.

But she didn’t wallow in her own sadness. She refused to, no matter how the ache in her chest echoed. No matter how she felt…  _ bored.  _ Carmen was bored. That had to be it. She was too good at her job. Once you reach the top, where do you go?

“Can… I ask you a question?” Julia said hesitantly. She seemed on edge, almost. Carmen studied her closely, but shrugged, turning back to the bay. Peaceful. Peaceful. Peaceful and  _ dreadfully boring. _

“You already did, but whatever,” she replied, watching Julia out of the corner of her eye.

“Are you… happy?” The last word came out a whisper.

Carmen twisted to look at her, taken aback. At first she was almost infuriated. Like,  _ how dare you act like you know me? How dare you assume that I’m not on top of the world? How dare you?  _ She was almost about to snap at Julia, too, when a realization washed over her like a bucket of cold water.

She wasn’t.

She was a god to VILE. She was a demon to the bluecoats. She was unstoppable, unbreakable, unbudging. She could stare down the heat death of the universe and smirk.

But where do you go, once you’re reached the top?

What do you do, when you have it all?

It didn’t matter. None of it  _ mattered,  _ because she had what she’d been waiting years for. It didn’t matter if she felt hollow, if there was something missing. It didn’t matter, none of it  _ mattered, none of it mattered. _

The mantra of a liar trying to convince themselves that they can find peace.

Carmen raised her chin, her eyes defiant. “Why wouldn’t I be?” she challenged. Because it was always a challenge, always a battle between her and everyone else. Julia didn’t seem to keen on fighting. She looked almost sorry at Carmen’s answer.

“I don’t know,” Julia answered. Her hesitancy, the softness of her words - she was telling the truth. Carmen reminded herself that this was someone who’d just been crying. “I… guess I was worried.”

Carmen narrowed her eyes. Julia’s odd familiarity, her look of surprise when they first met, her  _ worry  _ about Carmen… it didn’t add up. Well, it  _ did  _ add up, but to what, Carmen didn’t know. Who  _ was  _ she, anyway? Carmen slipped a quick hand into Julia’s pocket, snatching her ID.

“Carmen?” That Australian accent, those slightly-on-edge words. Carmen would recognize them anywhere. 

She turned to face him with a smirk. “Gray! Good to see you.” He looked almost… afraid. It was annoying, more than anything. Carmen tilted her head, her brows furrowing together.  _ Did he… follow me? _

“Who’s this?” Gray asked, slinging an arm over Carmen’s shoulder. Carmen didn’t shove it off, but she glanced at him, almost irritated. “Friend of yours?”

“This is Jules,” Carmen introduced. Julia froze, wiping at her eyes.  _ Has she never been called a nickname before?  _ Carmen glanced between Julia and Gray, chewing on her lip. Something didn’t seem right.

“Right.” Gray locked eyes with Julia for a few moments, then looked away. “Well, we’re all lookin’ for you. Come on back to the warehouse, Sheena got drunk and is flirting with… uh, Paper, over the phone.”

_ Sheena’s flirting with Paper Star?  _ Making fun of that alone would be reason enough to to return to the party. She glanced over at Julia, who was still staring, blinking. Carmen hesitated, but an easy grin returned to her face.

“C’mon, Gray,” she said, flicking her hand. “Let’s head back.”

She glanced back at Julia as she walked. Julia had turned away, quietly shaking. As if she was crying.

Whatever.

Carmen shoved Gray’s arm off. “Did you follow me?”

Gray smiled, but it was anything but reassuring. “I missed you.” Carmen rolled her eyes. “What?”

“Nothing,” Carmen replied curtly. “I’m gonna head to the apartment VILE got for our stay. You have fun at the party.”

“Aww, c’mon Carmen, I-”

_ “Gary.”  _ Carmen glared. For a moment, he looked genuinely afraid. Carmen didn’t feel bad as he took a few steps back, shaking his head sadly as he turned away.  _ What, you’re the one who’s sad?  _ Carmen sighed, heading back towards the apartment. To make sure he wouldn’t follow her (again, she knew), she took a rather backwards route and swung in through the window.

That was where she sighed, hanging up her jacket and taking off her shoes. Everything was  _ wrong.  _ She loved stealing. It was fun. But it had become  _ boring,  _ and the people in her life - mainly Gray - felt  _ suffocating.  _ None of the bluecoats could stand against her. Not even her fellow operatives - her fellow  _ faculty -  _ held a candle to what she could do. This wasn’t cockiness. This was the  _ truth. _

Carmen sighed, bringing the ID she’d swiped out her her pocket. “Julia Argent,” she mused.  _ A bluecoat? That’s unfortunate.  _ She sighed and set it on the table.

Carmen knew she didn’t have the right to be angry. Angry at a woman she just met, for no other reason. Angry at someone who had the audacity to ask her if she was  _ happy,  _ to  _ pity  _ her.

Carmen was unstoppable. Carmen was inevitable. Carmen was the worst nightmare of any law enforcement. Carmen was the reckoning of the thieves.

Carmen was a god.

And what do gods do?

_.... Nothing. _

  
  
  


It was maybe an hour later when Julia finally left the docks, wiping away the last of her tears. Player had reached out,  _ told  _ her that Carmen was gone. She knew. She’d been prepared.

But the lack of warmth in Carmen’s eyes? The cool indifference, her tragic challenges? Carmen, in her right mind or not, burned the candle at both ends for far too long. Julia couldn’t get past the way Carmen looked so  _ sad. _

She made the slow walk up to her apartment, not expecting to see Carmen again. Not expecting the thief to be getting something from a vending machine nearby. Not expecting Carmen to stop and look at her, interest and something  _ deeper  _ in her eyes.

“Carmen?” Julia asked, a little dumbfounded. Carmen smirked, grabbing a monster from the vending machine. “I… didn’t expect to see you again.”

“Not gonna try to arrest me?” Carmen asked, her voice sharp. Like glass, almost. Sharp, but easy to see through. Dangerous, but almost at the point of shattering. Julia stuffed a hand in her pocket to see that her ID was gone. “I know you know who I am. That’s why you freaked out,  _ bluecoat.” _

Venom. There was venom there, now, something that hadn’t been there before. “I’m not going to arrest you, Ms. Sandiego,” Julia sighed at last, walking past her. “I know you could kill me before I even brought out my weapon.”

“You don’t have a weapon,” Carmen pointed out, her eyes narrowed. “I already took it.”

Julia looked down and realized her gas gun had disappeared. “Yeah. That’s my point.” She wanted to laugh. She wanted to cry. She wanted to grab Carmen and tell her how much she missed her, how much she  _ lov- _

“Why’d you ask if I was happy?” Carmen asked, interrupting her thoughts. She was still defensive, still lashing out. Julia pressed her lips together firmly, her eyes trained to the floor. She didn’t think she could meet the intensity of Carmen’s gaze. She was almost afraid of what she would find.

“Why didn’t you answer?” she asked finally, looking up. Carmen flinched, stepping a little closer. Julia sighed again when Carmen didn’t reply. As much as she cared about Carmen, as much as she wanted to call ACME or Player or  _ anyone  _ who would listen to her…

She couldn’t. Not right now. She’d already informed Player of her conversation earlier, to do with that what he would. Maybe they could get Carmen back, maybe they could find out what VILE did. But Carmen was watching her like a hawk.

“It’s late. If you don’t mind, I’m going to go to bed.”

“No.”

Julia blinked. Took a step back.  _ “No?”  _ she repeated, confused.

Carmen nodded in confirmation. “I don’t trust you,” she clarified. “So I want you in my sights until I’m sure you’re not going to call your  _ friends _ .”

Julia leaned back against the wall. “So, what, I’m just gonna stand out here all night?” Her tone had a little more bite than what was intended, but Carmen didn’t seem to mind. She cracked open the can of monster.

“I’m only going to ask you one more time,” Carmen said after taking a sip. Her voice was too dark for the kindhearted woman Julia knew. “Why did you ask if I was happy?”

“I wanted to know if you enjoyed your life. As a thief.” Julia hesitated, choosing her words carefully. Carmen was a loaded gun, ready to fire at any given moment. Julia had to be careful, she knew, but she wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around Carmen.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Carmen echoed her earlier words. Julia hesitantly sat on the chair across from her as Carmen cocked her head. “Why do you seem  _ worried?  _ We’re nothing to each other. My life is  _ good.” _

Julia swallowed back tears. “I know,” she whispered. She met Carmen’s eyes once more, eyes that held the same contempt as the ones in Egypt. This time, however, they didn’t soften. Perhaps that was the most heartbreaking thing of all. She took a deep breath. “Do you really not remember me?”

Carmen laughed. A confident laugh. A laugh that wrecked Julia’s soul, that shattered any hope she was foolishly clinging too that Carmen would somehow come back to her.

The laughter of a god.

Julia briefly wondered what it’d be like to know what Carmen knew. See what she saw. Those eyes held knowledge of lifetimes. Her defensive stance gave away her confident act.

Carmen raised her chin. “You’re nothing to me.” Her words, defiant, betrayed the heartache in her tone. The ache Julia knew was in her heart, from those sad eyes.

If she said anything else, Julia didn’t hear it. She inhaled the blue gas that shot out of the gun and her eyes fell shut.

  
  
  


Carmen didn’t know how to apologize. It’s not like she could google search  _ How do I apologize to the love of my life for trying to kill her?  _ Well, she technically  _ could,  _ but she didn’t think it’d end well.

At the end of the day, she hadn’t planned their reunion. She just wandered the streets of Britain until she came across Julia once more, at the docks. Julia was staring out at the bay, looking distant.

“Hey, Jules,” Carmen said softly. Julia whirled around, her eyes just as wide as they’d been the last time. Carmen cleared her throat. “I wanted to apologize.”

“Carmen.” Julia’s voice was a little too breathy, as if she was running out of air. She took several hesitant steps forward, but didn’t reach out. “Carmen,” she repeated, her voice a little stronger now. “I… can I…?”

Carmen opened her arms, and Julia fell into them.

_ Was this the ache I felt?  _ Carmen wondered, squeezing her eyes tight to stop the tears.  _ Was this the emptiness I couldn’t shake? Was this what it was missing?  _ She buried her face in Julia’s shoulder, shaking softly.

“I missed you,” Julia murmured, her voice muffled. She didn’t let go, perhaps out of fear that Carmen would disappear. “I know that - that Player said your mind had probably been wiped - I knew that, but…”

Crying.

She was crying. 

Carmen’s heart squeezed painfully. “I know, Jules, and I’m so sorry.” Her breathing grew ragged as she pulled Julia closer. It was almost strange. They had been friends before - if you ignored all the flirting - but never hugged. Yet now Carmen couldn’t imagine  _ not  _ being in Julia’s arms.

“I know, I know,” Julia whispered. “I… I know you would never hurt me.” She wasn’t looking at Carmen. Couldn’t, really. She’d buried her face into Carmen’s jacket. “It’s okay.”

“I don’t know what I’d do if…” Carmen refused to finish that sentence. She took a hesitant step back, swallowing. “You’re not nothing to me. You’re… you’re so clever, and brave, and beautiful, and…”

And Carmen had fallen for her, like a star that fell from the sky.

Carmen noted Julia’s flush and smiled, her heart pounding. She had to say this, because she couldn’t before. She had to tell Julia, because she needed her to know. “You’re everything.”

When they kissed, Julia felt like home.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes I listened to that song on repeat for six hours while writing this, what of it?


End file.
